When faced with adversity in life, how does a person cope or
adapt? Why do some people seem to bounce back from tragic events or loss much
more quickly than others? Why do some people seem to get “stuck” in a point in
their life, without the ability to move forward?
Psychologists have long studied these issues and have
come up with a label you may be familiar with: resilience. When faced with a tragedy,
natural disaster, health concern, relationship, work, or school problem,
resilience is how well a person can adapt to the events in their life. A person
with good resilience has the ability to bounce back more quickly and with less
stress than someone whose resilience is less developed.
Everybody has resilience. It’s just a question of how
much and how well you put it to good use in your life. Resilience doesn’t mean
the person doesn’t feel the intensity of the event or problem. Instead, it just
means that they’ve found a pretty good way of dealing with it more quickly than
others.
Everyone can learn to increase their resilience
abilities. Like any human skill, learning greater resilience is something that
you can do at any age, from any background, no matter your education or family
relationships. All you need to do in order to increase your resilience is have
the willingness to do so. And then seek out ways of learning more about
resilience, either from search engines (and articles like this one), or with
the help of a trained behavior specialist, like a psychologist. (Harold
Cohen, Ph.D.)
How Do
You Increase Resilience?
There are many different ways you can
increase resilience. Having supportive relationships in your life with your
family and friends seems to be an important foundation according to much
resilience research. Good, positive relationships help a person with
reassurance and encouragement when times get tough, and seem to help support a
person’s ability to rebound more quickly after a difficult event or problem in
their life.
Relationships are not just important
within the family, but outside the family too. Having a strong network of
friends (and not just “Facebook friends”) is a valuable component of building
better resilience. Strong social networks appear to be a key foundational
building block for this skill to increase in your life.
There are other factors that can help
you increase your resilience as well, including:
§ Having a positive view of yourself (self-image) and confidence in your
strengths and abilities (self-knowledge).
§ Being able to regularly make realistic plans, and then being able to
regularly carry out your plans.
§ Being able to effectively and in a healthy manner manage your feelings
and impulses.
§ Having really good communication skills (or you’re actively working to
improve them).
§ Having really good problem solving skills (or you’re actively working to
improve them).
§
These are just a few of the areas
where a person can work on in order to build better resilience.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Accept reality. No
doubt you would like to have total control of your life, but that is simply not
possible. Friends will move away or marry; siblings will grow up and leave
home; circumstances may force your family to move, leaving behind friends and
all that is familiar. It is better to accept reality than to let negative
thoughts overwhelm you.—Bible principle: Ecclesiastes 7:10.
Look ahead. Focusing on the past is
like driving on a highway with your eyes fixed on the rearview mirror. An
occasional glance is beneficial, but you really need to concentrate on the road
ahead. The same is true when you are confronted with change. Try to keep your
eyes fixed on the future. (Proverbs 4:25) For example, what goal could you set for the
next month, or six months?
Focus on the positive. “Resilience
is about attitude,” says a young woman named Laura. “Find positive aspects of
the circumstance you are in.” Can you list at least one advantage that your new
circumstance offers?—Bible principle: Ecclesiastes 6:9.
A young woman named Victoria recalls that in her teen years, all her
close friends moved away. “I felt so lonely, and I wished that everything could
have stayed the way it was,” she says. “But looking back, that’s when I really
started to grow. I came to realize that growth requires change.
That’s also when I started seeing possibilities for new friendships that were
all around me.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 27:10.
Focusing on the past is like driving
on a highway with your eyes fixed on the rearview mirror
Do things for others. The Bible says: “Look out not only for your own
interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) A good
antidote to your own challenge is helping others with theirs. Anna, 17,
says: “As I grew older, I came to realize that when I could help someone else
who might be going through a similar situation—or a worse one—it was
rewarding!”
How to
Build Better Resilience
Building better resilience takes
time, effort, commitment, and focus. It will not just happen to you overnight,
and it won’t just happen to you if read a book about resilience, or begin work
with a therapist. It’s a process that will take months to learn and master.
Don’t be frustrated by this, because unlike your eye color or height,
resilience is not a trait but rather a skill that you can readily enhance with
patience and training.
Seek
out additional articles online about resilience to get your start and keep in
mind, there’s a lot to learn! You may benefit from seeing a therapist or
psychologist (which can you do right now online too), or
a life coach, to help you in your journey.
Keep in mind, too, that according to
the American Psychological Association, a person’s culture “might have an
impact on how he or she communicates feelings and deals with adversity — for
example, whether and how a person connects with significant others, including
extended family members and community resources. With growing cultural
diversity, the public has greater access to a number of different approaches to
building resilience.” This may be something to be aware of in your resilience
journey.
Conclusions:
- Stay positive.
- Relax, nobody hurries a situation.
- If there is no solution for a problem, there is no need to worry.
- Each day has its owns worries enough to worry for next day.
- Trust in yourself.
- Move forward.
- Do not give up.
Do not get anxious over anything and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and
your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.
Source of information:
Patty Salguero.
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